SPD Life Success Stories
Karen's Story...Living With SPD
From An Undiagnosed, Untreated SPD Adult's Perspective
Born Learning Disabled with Dyslexia and Sensory Processing Disorder
All I can remember when I was growing up...
My schooling was very poor. I couldn't read, write, spell, do math, have gym. I couldn't do gym, I couldn't do a cartwheel, play volley ball, couldn't run, I would trip over my feet and fall, got laughed at. I actually failed gym!
I can't add, subtract or multiply. I couldn't count - I would be distracted by background noise and lose my place and have to start all over. Was put into the slow reading classes. Was labeled as the dummy.
I would stumble over words if I couldn't pronounce them. I couldn't remember what I tried to read, I would get lost in the words. So I got "F" on book reports. My writing was very sloppy. But my printing was excellent! The only classes I enjoyed so much were my Art Classes. I had a lot of art classes, ceramic classes & craft classes.
I graduated by the skin of my teeth. I would ask my parents what is wrong with me, and they would just tell me I had a learning disability. There was no testing for this (SPD) is the 50's. So I had to struggle and try and deal with this disability on my own.
This is the Sensory Processing Disorder part...
My mom didn't know how to handle me, I guess she got very frustrated. Out came the loud pitch sound coming out of my mom's mouth. She did a lot of screaming at me - the tone of her voice would hurt my ears - I remember I would hold my ears and yell "blah-blah-blah" till she stopped. I remember mom trying to dress me in the mornings - I would be trying to stretch my pants out, my shirts, my socks. Nothing felt comfortable. Like everything was too tight. I remember her telling me she was gonna send me to a nudist camp cause I couldn't stand the way clothes felt on me.
I couldn't listen to her when she talked because her voice went right through me. She would always tell me - you only hear what you want to hear. But I didn't hear all she was saying cause she was using that high pitched voice.
So if I didn't understand something - she would beat me up (Like that was gonna do something). She hit me with belts, wooden spoons, anything she could get her hands on. She used to hit me so much that I started to laugh and tell her it didn't hurt and that she was wasting her time by hitting me.
I remember her grounding me for not eating dinner because I didn't like it. She would tell me I had to eat it for breakfast if I didn't eat it. And if I didn't like what was for dinner - I couldn't have anything else to eat. So I would be locked in my room, and only to come out to eat the dinner.
I had nothing in my room, no tv, just a clock radio. I listened to music all the time. But then I would get really thinking about why I was put in my room and start to cry - cause I didn't know what was happening to me. What did I do wrong? I never knew the difference between wrong and right.
So I used to cry - put myself in a ball - and rock back and forth - and drool. Bang my head against the wall. Look for something to cut myself with to stop the pain she was giving me. I remember crying so hard I would get a headache.
Now that I look back - I can't believe how she treated me. She was so mean to me. I bring this up to her - she told me I made it all up - She didn't do that to me - I'm crazy. So for years - I tried to block this from my memory that this never happened, but it lingers. Because I know it happened. My mom actually made me think I was going crazy!
I remember she used to put rags in my hair for bologna curls, I remember them hurting me so bad I would cry. She told me it was my imagination. It was all in my head.
I remember hiding in closets when I got home from school, scared to death to see my mom - was afraid she was gonna hit me.
I'm very messy, can't get anything organized. My room looks like a bomb went off in it. I try to organize it the best I can, when I can't find something it goes back to messy. I have a problem with my stuff, if it isn't out in the open where I can see it, I don't remember I have it.
I hate rides, merry-go-rounds, roller coasters, even in a car - I get car sick; still do to this day. I can't handle heights - flying in an airplane. Being in a boat in the middle of the ocean scares the heck out of me.
My Senses
MY EARS are super sensitive to sounds - loud noises, tones of voices - hurt my ears and actually hurt my head as well. I can actually hear noises from far in the distance, that no one else can hear.
Easily distracted - like when I am trying to get ready in the mornings. It has to be Quiet! No background noise - no talking, no tv noise, the only thing I can have on is the radio, anything else, I lose my concentration in what I am doing, and I run slow. Have no concept of time. Then I run around with my head up my butt trying to get ready. I am always late for work, appointments!
MY EYES are super sensitive. Fluorescent lights are too bright - actually hurt my eyes, make them tear, instant headaches. I actually wear my sunglasses in doctor's offices cause the lights are too bright, make my eyes tear, instant headache. Besides that my eye sight is real bad - I wear contacts - glasses are coke bottles. I am near legally blind (-18 is me; -20 is legally blind). I was picked on in school because I had thick glasses, was called 4 eyes.
MY NOSE is super sensitive. I get nauseous from certain smells - feel like I'm turning green; Cooking smells, some perfume smells, New car smell is the worst, especially the leather seats, scotch guard too. When I am in the store, before I can buy body wash, shampoo conditioner, soap, dish soap, fabric softener, I have to open and smell everything. I can smell something that no one else can smell.
TOUCH – I don't like to be touched. Except with my husband - I crave his touch. Anyone else, I move away from. When family goes to hug me, I move away. Unexpected touch or someone just brushing against me, I freak out. I don't like anyone touching me that I don't know.
I can't touch the cotton in a medicine bottle - "Skeeves" me out - feels worse then scrapping your nails on a blackboard. I have a difficult time opening child proof things - I just can't open them. I get very frustrated and I throw them. I laugh and say, "they Karen proofed this."