SPD For Dummies - Part 2
In Part 1, you should have gotten a general idea of what SPD is all about: basically, the senses are screwed up; we will get incorrect alarms and too much information sent to the brain, we react to this in very normal ways, and the effect can create problems in our lives. If you missed this, go back and read Part 1 again, but skip the "running into the wall" section this time. :-)
Ok, we got you "wet;" now it's time to soak you down a little more! In Part 2 we will look at one sense in more detail, "sounds." Same format, go ahead and ask whatever you would like...
Aren't you just "imagining" these sounds?
Don't make us have you run into that wall again... :-) Sure, some people that have other issues may "hear voices," and maybe these "voices" tell them to do something. But with SPD the sounds are all very real, and almost always heard by those around us even if not noticed. We are just effected by them differently.
What do you mean "effected differently"?
One description is that you may be indifferent to sounds. However we are not, and may be hurt by these sounds. There are actually many ways that sounds can be a problem. Different people with SPD will have different sounds that affect them and at different levels of intensity, ranging from severe to no effect at all. Some of these people though, no matter how bad their auditory issues are, have other senses that are really their main problem. The other problem can be that too many noises at once are a problem, where we cannot separate out noises to hear just one, so we "spin out" with overload.
Why don't all SPD people have the same issues?
Not sure, but it makes sense. We are all very different people, SPD or not, and have different strengths and weaknesses. Different senses effected at different levels. We have different genes, environments, experiences, diets, personalities, and for sure different amounts of support from loved ones. This can make a big difference. It is safe to say there is nobody out there like you!
Isn't this just an excuse for you to "control" the TV?
Yes :-). Can you believe we went to all this trouble just for this? (Kidding...c'mon keep reading.) Ok, we did not "invent" bad sounds to be more controlling. But a good point is, we can "seem" to be controlling because of these "bad" sounds.
Seem to be "controlling" (laughing)...
Ok, ok, we "are" controlling... :-) But what is it we are trying to control? You? Well, yes, but there are other ways to do that :-). What we are really trying to control is what we hear. We are trying to make it so that we are comfortable, and in some cases so we can survive as some sounds are just completely intolerable. Sounds can cause pain, stress, anxiety, confusion and fear. Sounds have many ways they can cause these problems for us.
How can sound cause pain?
We all have many pains we endure, physical (hurt finger), emotional (a broken heart), mental (depression, despair), spiritual (guilt, emptiness). These are all painful too, and we all face most if not all of these types of pain. With SPD the pain is with a source (bad sound) but without a visible injury (smashed finger). It may be better described as stress. This can be painful, that "knot in the stomach," heart pumping, super alert feeling. Have you ever felt this way? Ever been deep in the woods alone and hear a growl or a rattler? Ever been in the city late at night and hear footsteps behind you? Ever wake up late at night and hear someone outside your window? Ever been really stressed, afraid, super alert, wide-eyed and ready to do battle?
Nope, I am not afraid of nuthin!
Your nose is starting to grow longer too... :-) Fear is normal, it keeps us safe and it keeps us alive. By listening for dangerous sounds, this can keep us alive, as it does animals, as it did even more in the past when more humans lived in nature with wild animals. If you have a dog or a cat, watch them outside. Have you seen their ears perk up with noises? Have you seen how keen they are when there is a sound around them? In the wild, or even just outside your home or at a nearby park, watch animals and birds that live outside, where their hearing is crucial to their survival. Make a noise and then watch how they react. The first reaction will be an instant alertness. What is the noise? Where is it coming from? Is it danger? The next reaction depends on if there is danger. If there is nothing dangerous they carry on. If there is danger then there are only two options – get away or do battle.
So y'all are like dogs?
Yes, and we howl at the moon too :-). In some ways, perhaps we can have more keen hearing than most. But it is that we notice more sounds, but we don't necessarily have super hearing. I can hear some frequencies better than some. I had this tested once, and for sure I detect more soft sounds, but nothing superhuman, and not as good as my dog. The real point here is that some sounds are "supposed" to alarm us, while others should not. With SPD we can be alarmed by many more sounds than just the ones folks are "normally" supposed to be alarmed by. Though for me it does seem like much more than an alarm, it is like another type of pain.
So you're just jumpy?
At least we don't run into walls ;-). Yes, some people are jumpier with sudden noises, but this is not necessarily an SPD thing. For example, my non-SPD wife and kids were watching a scary movie. I snuck outside and crept up to the window just outside the room they were in, and right at a really good moment I banged on the window! They jumped out of their seats :-). Very funny :-). I was in trouble :-(. But for sure having a more "heightened" sense for sounds can mean being jumpier. But it is not just "being jumpy".
So what is the "deal"? Are the sounds just too loud to you?
Loud sounds can bother anyone. To test this go buy a blow horn and set it off right next to your ear. How does this feel? For some people, with some sounds, they can seem "louder"... "way louder". So much so that they must cover their ears or wear earplugs and avoid these sounds at all costs. To relate with this, set off that blow horn in your ear a few times. This is what some normal sounds can seem like, cranked up. But with SPD it may not be just a loudness issue. Rather it can also be from very subtle sounds, ones you could barely hear.
The dog hearing thing again, right?
Bring up the dog thing again and you just might get bit :-). Sounds could be a problem in many ways. They may be from what frequency they are, from the deep, bassy lows up to the squeaky highs. They may be felt in the ear, like a high pitch whistling noise. Or it can be in your chest, like a deep bass, pounding noise. They may be continuous, like an ongoing leaky air vent, or rhythmic, like a thumping ball or beating drum. They could be from many sources, electronic, nature or people. It may be just one sound that is alarming and uncomfortable, or it may be just too many sounds. They can flood our ears with too much noise and our brains with too much info. We can get overwhelmed easily because we cannot filter out the background noise.
Huh? Does every noise bother you?
Only from you :-). Kidding... No way! Some sounds are sweet, and in SPD maybe sweeter since there can be many other ones that are so bad. For sure different SPD folks have different quantities of "bad" sounds. Each "bad sound" can be at a different intensity level. Sometimes it is the luck of the draw with what sounds are a problem, and how many of these sounds you have to live with. For example, if only the sounds of mechanical devices really bother you, and you live out in the country, this would be a good thing. But if you have many common sounds that cause a lot of pain, and you cannot help to be around them each day, this can be a huge deal.
So how do I know what sounds bother my SPD?
Cute, a real joker I see :-). Not sure, it's different for everyone I am sure. But let's take a peek at some of the types of sounds that can cause issues and see if we can find one that is a fit. For the first type, high pitch continuous sounds. These can come from many sources like electronics (some TVs have a high pitch sound, computer monitors, some fans especially with bad bearings, radios especially with reception issues or the treble set too high), or from moving air across something (car vents, home vents, the wind outside, someone breathing or snoring, leaking venting ducts, air hoses, vacuums) or mechanical devices (whining motors, bad bearings, squeaky doors and gates).
Whoa, you want me to stop breathing?
Would you mind? :-) And do you mind sleeping outside with the dog? Here's the deal, sounds can be sometimes unnoticed by us. It can be just mildly annoying, or could be the worst. Some we may readily recognize, especially as we get older and get more in tune with our bodies. Others may bother us without us realizing it at first. For me, I knew most of my bad sounds before I started school. With others it may be without thought, or they relate it to "regular" sound issues. Or just believed all people had an issue with the sound. Sure sounds can annoy anybody, but with SPD it is different; it can be intolerable.
So do we have to change all these sounds to make you happy?
Ok, thanks. :-)
You're kidding, right?
Nope. :-)
This is Impossible!
And so are we sometimes :-). Sure, you cannot change every sound to make our lives easier. But being understanding of how sounds affect us, and what we "must" do to cope with the many sounds that affect us, this would be a dream for sure. Look, when sounds are painful, and we act in what looks like "irrational" ways. What we need most is your understanding. Not so much sympathy, where you feel sorry for us, but rather understanding. An acceptance for how we are.
So you admit you're irrational?
You're the one that ran into the wall :-). No, it can "seem" to be irrational, but in fact it is very rational. We are reacting to a very real pain, much as you would yourself if you were hurt or severely stressed. It just "seems" irrational if you do not understand. Do you understand?
Sort of, but why don't you just fix the sound problems?
I thought you said this was impossible :-). Sure, we cannot stop all of these sounds. We don't have to, just the bad ones, and only as best as we can. Which ones you ask? Ask your SPD. For me I have many that I change in this category. I always fix leaky vents, squeaks, whatever is a problem. For TV's and radios, I have changed to get better reception and swapped sets to solve whining, otherwise I will not watch. Breathing and snoring can be a very hard problem. Many people breath you know :-). It is usually with loud breathers and ones with whistling noses. I could write a book on all the types there are, like anyone would read this :-). Sometimes I wear ear plugs, put on loud music to drown it out or just leave. Snoring is intolerable for me. I was stuck on a plane next to one person doing this and I wanted to throw him off (could you imagine the look on his face waking up...). Seriously, this brought on a "meltdown" for me.
What the heck is a meltdown?
This can come on from any of the sensory tweaks. It is when your brain gets too many bad signals, or too much stress. Then your adrenaline is cranked so much for so long, that you just start shutting down. Have you ever been so overwhelmed by something that you went weak in the knees? Maybe from really bad news; you were fired from a job, or lost everything you owned, or the worst of all you lost a loved one. Maybe not, or not yet anyway, but "melting down" is like this, when your body can not take it anymore.
Do you snap? Ever hurt someone?
Let's just say ya might want to sleep with one eye open :-). Nope, but a good point. If it is meltdown time, it's all over. Escape and isolation is the only path. It is like the body goes into shock. Much like when you are hurt really bad and your body shuts down on feeling pain so you can survive. But this brings up an important topic: how does the SPD person react? Well before a meltdown, maybe the farthest point your SPD only ever gets to, is where the noise is causing pain. The receiver of the pain gets angry at the source of the pain, or at the one controlling the source. Sometimes if the source of the pain or the noise itself is too strange to get angry with, the anger is focused on something else, but it still comes out. For example, pounding drums from a neighbor causes pain. I get angry at my children because they are making a mess. The point is that when pain is delivered, the response will be anger and it may not be against the deliverer.
So we suffer too?
Yes :-). But this can bring them guilt too. It is an ongoing conflict across all the sensory tweaks. Ok, if we spilled hot coffee on your lap, would you smile and say a kind "oh it's ok, I like getting burned there?" How about if we did that every day, every hour? Should we test this? :-) It is natural for anyone to respond in anger when they are hurt, simple as that. What is not natural, not normal, are the things that cause this pain. But the reaction is normal. It is only the cause that is different.
I don't like hot coffee on me, it hurts!
Sorry, told you we would get you wet here... :-) So exactly, you're getting it, this can hurt, and we may not like some sounds because they hurt. The worst part is that I would guess most of us come to realize we are getting angry about something we should not. Like a noise someone is making that we "know" deep down should not be an issue and so we feel bad about being angry. But just cannot help it! I know for me, the guilt and the conflict is one of the worst parts — guilt for being mean or angry at loved ones or friends, and conflict because I love to be with people but find it hard to be with them. Also, having this as a hidden issue can be one of the worst parts as well.
Why would you hide this?
Because it is seen as strange, weird, mental, imagined — I am sure most people with SPD learned this very clearly. The problem is that it is just not easy to understand. If we needed glasses, because our visual sense needed adjustments, people would understand. If we were to have a cast for a broken leg, for sure this can be understood. But having some things that are normally ok for most people, like some of the sounds we talked about earlier, routed to the brain as an alarm causing stress and pain. This is what is not typically understood. You didn't understand, right?
Yes right, so are there more categories of sounds...?
Oh yes, we are going to go on for days :-). Kidding. Another big category could be rhythmic or un-rhythmic sounds, either way just not continuous. These sounds can be felt externally or internally. If it is internally felt, it is usually from bassy deep tone sounds, and can literally be felt vibrating the bones and organs inside. They can be from electronics (radio with bass too high, TV with a powerful woofer, musical instruments, loud theaters), from people (tapping, eating, bouncing balls), from nature (various bugs, birds and creatures) and from mechanical devices (jack hammer, hammers, motors, air compressors).
So how are these different from the other sounds?
These can feel like "waves" or like they are "being beaten" onto you. Like the Chinese torture game having someone poking on your chest, without an end. It can be like feeling yourself on a sidewalk when a big truck goes by. You feel the ground vibrate, but the vibration is inside the body. It can be like standing inside a giant Church bell. Not with the loudness necessarily, but where the sound waves ripple through your body. It can increase with intensity as the noise continues. Others can have a "ripping" feel, where with each repeating sound it can feel as if it is "ripping" deeper. With the pain increasing as the wound deepens. For me this would happen more on un-rhythmic sounds. These are my descriptions, there are many other ways SPD people can interpret the feelings for sure. It can be hard to describe to someone who does not have this.
I still don't get it, how can sounds do this?
Do you cringe when someone scrapes their fingernails on a chalkboard? I do too, but this is different. It is a normal dislike for a sound frequency. Rather with SPD the sound is registered as an alarm, as if we just heard a tiger right behind us. This causes stress and is painful to get so often. If a prowler came into your house at night, tied up you and your family, hurt you real bad, and threatened your lives, then kept causing you pain, would you be effected? Of course you would! It would crank up your adrenaline and you would want to fight back. You would want to escape, and you would want to stop the pain. There is nothing you wouldn't do to end it, and even when it ended you would be stressed out over it. This is what noise can be like for someone with SPD, and it can happen each day.
I am not afraid of tigers!
You would pee your pants :-). Ok, weird, I know, that some simple noises or too many noises at once can cause stress like when you are attacked, but it can. With SPD it is as if noises of normal things are intermixed with what would be dangerous things (like a tiger behind you) and then sent to the brain. If a sound is heard as a danger, as an alarm, it is related to as such. I cannot just change it, like you cannot change how you would react if someone was hurting you, or if you heard a tiger behind you. (ROAR!!!!!)
Uh oh, gotta change my pants...
Sorry, that was just me roaring, just making a point... :-)
So if this hurts so much, why do you joke so much?
Humor is a great counter-weight to pain, a way to cope. Look, survival is a normal and important part of everyone. Finding ways to cope when exposed to abnormally high amounts of stress and pain can be a big part of having SPD. Sure a few jokes here, but do not think this means there is not stress, pain, sadness, sleeplessness, sometimes despair, bouts with depression, anger, loneliness, fatigue, and for sure sometimes hopelessness. But what I am trying to do here is explain SPD from my perspective. In a light and entertaining way, so you will understand it better.
Ok, but can I change my pants now?
Sure :-)
So what is the background noise thing?
Whoa, you're paying attention, there is hope :-). The issue is with not being able to filter out noises, and then getting overloaded. Where most or every audible sound is coming in at once, with equal strength, and so there can be no focus, and then there is an overload. It might be like if you were to listen to twenty different radio stations at once, can you? Try it!
Like when I overload my pickup truck?
Well, no, this is what happens to me when you don't help to carry the groceries in. :-). Ok, for example, if a person talks to you, you listen (ok, sometimes you do). But if two people talk to you at the same time (children love to do this), you cannot keep up with both at the same time. Now imagine ten people all talking to you at the same time, hours on end, day after day. This is close, except it can be noises from many sources. All the ones out there pretty much.
So why don't you just ignore them?
I'm sorry, was I supposed to pay attention to you? :-). Sure, this is how regular people are. They focus on one sound, like the TV. They tend to ignore other sounds, like someone talking in the next room, the tea pot on the stove, a bird outside the window, a car driving by, the neighbor's mower, a door opening, cupboards being closed in the hallway, the bath water running, and on and on. This can be much worse in crowds, malls, theaters, school classrooms, libraries, amusement parks and anywhere where the number of noises is much greater. But the issue is they cannot be ignored. It is like the filter is missing, or the faucet is turned on too high, the floodgates are open; we are getting really soaked here...
If you hear all these noises, how come you ignore me?
Because you can be really boring, sorry :-). Kidding... The issue can be any of a few different things. First, with too many incoming sounds, one sound cannot be made out or focused on. It is like ten people talking at once, so you get drowned out in a sea of competing noises. Second, it could be because of our need to focus. So we "switch off" all sounds into a blur so that we can function. Third, when it cannot be "blurred out" to focus, and it is too much, then there is overload. So we neither function nor make out someone talking to us.
Would this be like an electrical overload, and the circuit switches off?
Yes, wow, that was really insightful! A regular Yoda type, you are :-). Ok, so when the fuse is tripped, from the overload, then the power just starts to shut down. For me it feels as if I am escaping inside, into my own world. Not a fantasy world, and not outside reality, more like going into shock I think.
So how do you snap out of it?
I am sure this really varies per person with SPD, for me I try to never get to that point, and usually know when it is coming. When I am really overloaded it is overwhelming. It's like being spun around until you are dizzy, or like you are if you were ever hurt really bad, not fully there. Suppose it may be like daydreaming, and someone must make a noise or touch you to get you back.
Ok, I am really tired now, anything else?
Yes there is! Silence can be an issue.
Oh come on, now you're going too far!
Wait until we look at the other senses :-). Here's the thing, it's not that silence is bad, but there really is no such thing. There are always some little noises going on, even from our own bodies. In fact, for me, earplugs to block noises can be a problem because then my heart and breathing noises can be heard to me too much. What is needed is some white noise.
Noise has colors?
Not to me, why, do you think they do? (That's called synesthesia!) :-). Anyway, white noise is noise that drowns out all the many small noises that can be irritating or distracting. Some people like a fan going, or a water fountain or any nice humming or soothing sound that is pleasing. Also, sometimes any good noise masks out all the little bothersome noises, like a TV in the room or music on the radio. Whatever it is, it can be very helpful to overpower the bad noises with a nice, good noise.
Ok, I am starting to get it, but what can I do?
Follow every last command we give you... :-)
You're kidding right?
Yes, but can we control the TV remote now? :-)
No, really?
Ok, here's the biggest thing you can do: believe this is real.
That's it?
Well, plus the TV remote... :-). Ok, maybe some changes to help out would be nice, but understanding it is huge. Look, imagine walking into your house with a massive head wound, bleeding all over, in pain. You were looked at and told, "Oh come on, you big baby, what a wimpy (girly man or little baby) you are! There is nothing wrong. Get over it. You're just being sensitive, and by the way it is your turn to make dinner, what a loser..." I am guessing you would be pissed off. When we ache, even if nobody can stop the ache, it is good enough if they would at least acknowledge that it is there, that it is real, and attempt to help. You are no different, bleeding head or not.
You're not gonna make my head bleed are you (backing away...)
Only if you don't listen... :-) Ok, another example: you're really tied one on drinking way too much — or maybe you're just sick as a dog — anyway, you have a pounding headache the next morning. Now there are no visible signs the headache exists. Oh sure, you look like hell, but the headache is "invisible" to those around you. You hold your head, and moan like a wounded bear. You are probably cranky and mean, and maybe you cry like a little baby. Everyone "knows" you are in pain, and so they keep the noise down and the lights off so you can recover. So it is with SPD; it is "invisible" too. Just like your hangover or headache. But wait, you don't believe SPD is "real". So you make no attempt to keep the noise down, or the lights dim, or any other adjustment because "it is just in their head, they're just too sensitive, they need to get over it." Ok, go run into the wall face first again please, a few times until you get it.
That wall really hurt this time...
Good... Here, use my shirt. Boy, you really follow along way too close :-)
So what can you do?
Many things, most of all, keep hope. For me it is of the greatest importance to minimize the amount of exposure to pain. As if I am on hot coals, short bursts are ok, but don't stand around. I also look for ways to leave problem areas using an excuse or reasonable explanation to pass myself off as not being irrational (or at least I think it works...). I treat myself to many good noises, either a pleasant white noise or soothing music. I have also developed many coping tools. I carry ear plugs to listen to music when in a bad noise area. I have my cell phone to receive "fake texts" for leaving areas. I avoid places that cause pain when possible, and talk with those I live with so they know what not to do around me.
Do they listen?
Yes they do, and if you did too, this would go a long way.
Ok, what's the bottom line?
Here's the deal, I hope you have read this with an open mind. More so I hope you care for, and love, the SPD person you know enough to try to understand more of what they are dealing with. But what I hope for the most is that you will care and make them feel understood. I also hope you help them as you would anyone who was hurting and needed you.
So no more running into walls, right?
Only if you want to... :-)